Childhood Wounds and the Men We Choose

Greetings lovely nieces! A question I get asked a lot from my internet nieces is, "Why do I end up attracting the same type of man?" Followed by, "Why do the men I chose always end up hurting me?" These common questions have a surprising answer. Your childhood.

Do you find that you are attracted to the same type of guy time and time again? Do you date men with certain personalities, even though they often end up hurting you? Do the same issues or problems keep showing up in your relationships with different men?

Our childhood relationships with our parents and caregivers can shape our beliefs about love, intimacy, and our own worth. Our parents (or caregivers) are basically the blueprint for what we believe about love and our self-value. The complexities of our childhood teach us what we believe about relationships.

For example, if you grew up feeling responsible for everyone's happiness, you might unconsciously seek out partners who need a lot of care and attention. Or, if you were always the peacemaker in your family, you might find yourself drawn to guys who are emotionally troubled or unstable.

If you grew up feeling responsible for the emotional well-being of others, you might be drawn to men who need constant care and attention

Here are some common ways childhood wounds can influence our relationship choices:

• The Caregiver Complex: If you're used to taking care of others, you might subconsciously seek out partners who rely heavily on you and expect you to take care of them. This can lead to putting the needs of your boyfriend first and constantly sacrificing your own needs.

• The "Rescuer" Role: If you're used to being the peacemaker or problem solver in your family, you might unconsciously seek out partners who have a lot of problems and expect you to fix them. This can give you a sense of purpose and control, but it can also lead to exhausting and unsatisfying relationships.

• The "Pleaser" Role: If you were constantly praised for being good or obedient, you might become a people-pleaser in your relationships. This can result in you settling for less than you deserve and feeling resentful.

• The "Victim" Role: If you were often made to feel powerless or helpless, you might attract partners who are controlling. This can reinforce your belief that you're not capable of taking care of yourself.

Recognizing these patterns can be hard and it requires a lot of self reflection. But, it's the first step towards finding happiness in a healthy relationship. By understanding the root causes of your attraction to certain types of men, you can start to heal your childhood wounds and attract a partner who truly values and respects you.

Remember, you're not alone in this. Many of us have been through similar experiences. It's time to rewrite your story and create a happier ending.

Nieces, do you recognize any of these patterns? Let's talk about it in the comments below, or on our forum.

Love,

Aunty Bri